the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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