I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
