just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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