she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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