Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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