like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
