There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
