bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
