I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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