how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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