It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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