i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
