yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
