I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
