Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
