She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How does one acquire holy water?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
