doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
