Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The best revenge is premature balding
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
