sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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