remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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