Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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