Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
