You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize