It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
