My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Will you blow on my dice?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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