Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
