My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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