i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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