Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My ass is underappreciated
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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