I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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