winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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