Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
