Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
