There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
