do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
