if you like me you must not know who I am
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
