I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
