Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
