I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize