so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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