my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
