dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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