the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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