why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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