Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize