when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
