nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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