A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
