I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
