i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
