Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
