I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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