thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
