Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
