he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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