How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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