you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My room smells like vodka and shame
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
