I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize