There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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