I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize