but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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