True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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