Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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