Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
