I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
