you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
