Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The beer is more important than you right now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
