He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
