I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
